Just Being Real

Last night I got a rare Girls' Night with some of my best girlfriends in the whole world!  God has placed so many amazing women in my life...such a blessing!!

Anyway, while we were talking about some of the things God has taught me through this adoption process, one of them asked me if I'd written them down.  If you know me at all, you know that while I mean well and strive to get things done in a ridiculously organized fashion, when it comes to "journaling," I come up short every time!  So, I decided I needed to take some time to just share what's been going on in my heart.

First of all, let me just say that I do NOT want this to be a discouraging post.  This adoption journey is one that God has given us as an opportunity to grow and stretch beyond what we would have thought possible even a year and a half ago when we really began to pursue it.  We have learned so much, and that's what I want to share here.

What I've learned the last 15 months:

1. Patience. 

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

~Psalm 40:1

 This is an obvious one.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that when we embarked on this journey, it was going to be a huge test of patience.  We've learned patience in many different times in our lives...waiting to graduate high school, college, college, and college again, waiting to get married, waiting to get pregnant, waiting to have our babies {out of my belly}, waiting to hear about a job, and then in this journey waiting on paperwork, waiting on approvals, waiting for our referral.  Yes, the waiting on various things has certainly taught us patience.  Could I use more?  Umm, probably....

2. Reliance on God.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.

~Psalm 59:17

  I feel like a pretty fortunate person.  I am surrounded by supportive people, have a great family, an awesome church, a job I love, no major health issues.  In many ways, things have sort of "fallen into place" easily and I really think, looking back on the last 31 years, that I have not had any situations that I have felt like I had full reliance on God.  YIKES!  That's really a scary thing to say {type} out loud!  But, it's true...I'm just striving to be transparent here. 

Now, don't get me wrong; in every situation I have sought His guidance and would like to think that I have listened and been obedient to His voice.  But to be in this situation where I have to totally trust God to not only give us the children that He has for our family in His timing and to trust that they are in His hands while they cannot be in ours...now THAT is reliance!

3. It's Not About Me. 

All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering.

~2 Thessalonians 1:5

 I once read a book by Max Lucado with this title and thought "what a nice book", a good reminder that the maker of Heaven and the Earth is WAY bigger than me.  I had no idea what an impact that book {that idea} would have on me several years later as we embarked on a journey to complete our family by adopting kids from across the globe.  Because the truth is, nothing is about me.  It's all about Him and furthering His kingdom and using the people, abilities, opportunities and talents that He gives us to do so!  WOW!  That concept is a LOT to take in and gives me a totally different perception of life as I know it. 

But, you know, with 147 Million orphans, well...it's not about me, is it?!

4. The Power of Prayer. 

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you   ~Matthew 7:6-8

This truth has never been more evident to me than it has been on this journey.  It is amazing to me the amount of times that I have really felt down about finances {an incredible stressor in adoption} and someone will randomly hand us a check for a couple of hundred dollars from their garage sale or I'll reach in my purse and find an envelope with $50 marked with the words "Adoption Fund" with no indication of who it's from.  And, it's not just been about money. 

The last few weeks have been hard; very hard!  Emotionally, I have been drained.  I wait for a phone call telling us that our referral for our 2 1/2 year old boy is in our E-mail inbox and the call just doesn't come.  Well, last week at our home group, we all went around and talked about what each of us was struggling with and prayed for each other {an awesome time of prayer}.  The next day {Monday}, it was like a huge burden was gone.  My perspective changed...I was looking at the bigger picture and I shifted my expectations to waiting for others' referrals so that we could get closer to the top of the list.  And what an amazing week it was!  Plus, it was at the exact time that I needed it.  One of the four referrals given this week was for a 2 year old boy and he was not ours.  But, I was not even bothered by this.  In fact, I was truly rejoicing for the family and for the little boy.  Oh, the power of prayer!

There is more, so much more, that I have learned and am learning about myself, about Him, about His kingdom, about my role, that I would never have known without this journey.

The journey is difficult, it stretches me in every aspect, but it is SO worth it.  Not just because of the end result {which I look forward to with great hope}, but because of what I am learning along the way.