Word of the Week: Weary

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Today marks our 9 month waiting listiversary.

I am weary of the wait.  So thankful for our Savior's promise:

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.



Back to His Arms

Last week kicked my rear end was crazy hard.  I admit it...I was drowning/sinking/floundering/stumbling/staggering; call it whatever you wish, but, basically, I was wallowing in self-pity.  I wanted our referral and I wanted it NOW {or yesterday or the day before}.

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I wanted to believe all my sadness was justified.  I mean, really?  11 weeks with no referrals?  (Not to mention multiple families in the final stage of bringing their children home reporting delay after delay.)  Think of all those orphans who need homes and here I  am, waiting so patiently for a call that just doesn't seem to ever come! 

So, there I was...whine, cry, frump...when, BAM...I got slapped in the face with the gospel!  OK, maybe that's a bit of an exagerration, but truly, I got me some CON.VIC.TION!

Because, the truth is, my lip service was NOT matching the state of my heart.  Don't get me wrong, I want desperately to believe that this journey is not in vain...that I am enduring this wait because this is exactly where God wants me, and I DO believe that, but my heart was just not feeling it and I was sinking into a dark place.  And, the bottom line is I wasn't as close to my Jesus as I need/want to be.  Instead of drizzling my sorrow in Christ's redemptive love and promise to stay by my side {even when days are dark}, I was relying on myself to get me through.  Not. Pretty.

This seed of longing for more began early in the weekend, so when I went to church on Sunday morning, I just knew I was meeting Christ there and that I was ready to lay it at His feet, to start this wait over {in a sense}, to get back to the arms of My Savior.  And, guess what?!  He did it!  He met me there and He held my hand and he spoke to me through the sermon.  We began a study of Hebrews and dug into verses 1-4 of the first chapter, which our pastor, Randy Gariss, summed up like this:

"It is impossible for you to have too high a view of Jesus."

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So true.  My Jesus will carry me through this difficult wait.  Wasn't he faithful to Noah, Moses, Job, David, Abraham, and countless others?  He shows me over and over again where a child-like faith leads and yet, I somehow lost sight of that.  And so, I am done.  I can't do this wait alone or even based on the strength of my family and friends.  I need HIM and He promises to carry me, hold my hands, and walk beside me.  And so I'm reaching for Him...

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I'm determined to hold tight to the following verse from Hebrews:

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.



Like I'm Walking Around Dragging my Arms on the Ground

Sounds like a country song, huh?! ;)  Well, here's a little disclaimer...this is not going to be the most uplifting post I've ever written.  If you want me to remain an eternal optimist in your mind, please stop reading and come back for the next post {I promise it will be more upbeat!}.  However, if you're ok with me being real, read on, friend...

You remember seeing this picture in your High School science class?

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Don't get all weirded out on me...I'm totally not an evolutionist.  Creation all the way, baby!

However, you see that chimp on the far left?  The one who's arms drag the ground {please don't get all technical on me...I'm fully aware that he uses his hands to maintain his balance and that this gait is necessary for him to be able to walk}.  Well, envision that as an emotional state.  Think about that as the person who is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.  Today, this is where I'm living in regards to the emotions I'm feeling about our adoption. 

Now, don't get me wrong...tomorrow I could feel like the next creature, standing a little taller, or even like the gentleman on the far right, optimistic and walking tall.  But recently, more days than not, I feel like the ape.

Honestly, I never would have guessed 10 weeks ago that there was not going to be ANY referrals from our agency for such a long period of time.  While my head understands that there are legitimate reasons for the delay {a full change in our in-country staff, a new orphanage to train, a government that is requiring mounds of paperwork in a country that doesn't have technology at it's fingertips, a large group of people who are in the last stage of getting their babies home which requires much attention from the in-country staff, and audits happening in our orphanages}, my heart aches.

It aches for the fact that we are likely number 10 for a single child, and number 7 for siblings {so close!}.

It aches for the fact that our agency has relayed to us that there are babies who are referral-ready, but still waiting for translation of paperwork.

It aches for all the families in our same situation who have not moved up any slots in 10 weeks.

But, mostly it aches for our child who has very likely been sitting in an orphanage for MONTHS waiting to see our faces like we have been waiting to see his or hers.  For the time we are missing out on his or her life.  For the fact that he or she wakes up every morning in an orphanage when he could be waking up in his home, lavished with hugs and kisses from his parents, brother, and sister.

But, then I just have to give it up.  God's got this.  He's got our baby in His hands.  He is taking care of him or her in such a way that we cannot even imagine.  His timing is perfect, even when it's hard.

So, tonight I'm dragging my arms, but tomorrow I'm trusting that God will stand me upright.

Another...

opportunity to score some super cute stuff at some super amazing prices AND help out a family who is bring their baby boy home from China!! :)

BUT, you have to do it TODAY!!  The auction ends at midnight tonight!

{And, as a rule, please do not bid on the two things that I am desperately hoping to win (unless, of course, you'd like to buy them and gift them to me)!! ;)}